Lies, loneliness and love

What if one of Satan's many lies is that loneliness means we are worthless and unloved,  when really, loneliness is sacred, holy time we are blessed with to get to know ourselves and our God?

Irrigation Illustration

I was asked to speak on how we can receive personal revelation through the scriptures. 

What ever our questions are, what ever trials or joys we are experiencing, we can receive personal revelation through the scriptures, that is just that, personal. In 2 Nephi 31:3  it says: “For the Lord God giveth light unto the understanding; for he speaketh unto men according to their language, unto their understanding.” God knows us and loves us and only wants the best for us. He never speaks just to hear the words come out of his mouth, he speaks directly to each of us, through the power of the Holy Ghost, in a way we can understand and act.

To illustrate how this principle can work in our lives, I’d like to share an illustration…we’ll call it an Irrigation illustration. Now, just to clarify, for all of you Indianaian’s, irrigation is an activity that is required to grow crops when your total annual rainfall is less than what Indiana sees in a week. Such was the life on the farm where I grew up in Southern Idaho. I was introduced to the joy of moving irrigation pipe at a young age and though I always seemed to be the smallest on the crew, I was determined to never be last in finishing my lines, so I worked my tail off  lifting the pipes which were often full of water, letting them drain, then racing 60 feet down the field to and reconnect the section of pipe in a straight line then running back to get the next one. It turned into a game of sorts with some interesting competitions and prizes….but I digress…The point here today is that the irrigation pipes provided a “simple” means by which the entire field could receive water. This was my job for over 8 years and by the time I graduated from high school and headed out into the big wide world, we joked that I already had my pipe moving degree, and indeed, from the work, fun and lessons learned moving pipe, I felt like I could conquer anything.

Fast forward 14 years and I found myself standing in the middle of my own field. Just a small 4 acre field in the middle of Colorado, but I was excited to get back to my farming roots and I needed some serious irrigation to make this happen. Irrigation…I totally got this. But. In this particular part of  Colorado, there were no shiny irrigation pipes to move neatly across the field, evenly sprinkling water to all parts of the field. Here, irrigation came only 3 times a year and for me, lasted a mear 28 hours. Flood irrigation was the only option and a totally new experience for me. When it was my turn at the ditch, the water ran down a large pipe at the top of my field, and it was up to me to open up a series of small gates in that pipe to let the water flow into different sections of my field. So, on day one, I opened the gates, waited to make sure the pressure was right and everything was working correctly, then went back inside to attend to my house work. A few hours later I went back out to the field to see how things were progressing. As I walked up through my field the first thing I noticed was that it was still dry. Where was my water? Looking up my field, I could clearly see the water still flowing into my field…where was it all going? It took a little investigating, but I soon discovered that my field was not the gentle slop that I originally saw, but was full of dips and slants that I hadn’t first noticed. Much of my water was following a zig zag pattern, flowing aimlessly across my field. Then I looked across the fence into my neighbors property and saw a couple random wet spots….where in the world was that water coming from? I solved the mystery by following the flow of the water to where it suddenly disappeared…. down a gopher hole, only to reappear in the middle of my neighbors horse corral. I was in trouble and I knew it.  I went to work, trying to fill in gopher holes, and creating small ditches for water to reach different parts of my field. By the time my 28 hours were up, I was completely exhausted and a solid 2/3rds of my field remained dry. I had all the water a girl could need, but I had not provided a place for it to go.

Brothers and sisters, I believe we have a loving father in Heaven who speaks to us often, with  words of guidance, warning and comfort, and yet many of us continue to walk through a lonely dessert, parched for personal revelation. 

President Spencer W. Kimball made this observation, “I find that when I get causal in my relationships with divinity and when it seems that no divine ear is listening, and no divine voice is speaking, that I am far, far away. If I immerse my self in the scriptures, the distance narrows and the spirituality returns and I find myself loving more intensely.”

If you want hear that divine voice in your life, if you want to grow spiritually, if you want to love more intensely, the scriptures provide the means to make that happen, but if you want that living water to reach all parts of your spiritual field, you must create a place for it to go. 

After my first irrigation disaster, I noticed my neighbors fields that had set furrows running the length of their field. So I went to work and with some help from a neighbor, I created furrows that stretched from my water gates all the way to the opposite end of the field. I worked tirelessly with my dog and some local snakes to eradicate the gophers and was ever vigilant against the destructive prairie dog. I created a place for the water to go, and that is where it went. We have a literal flood of knowledge and revelation waiting for us inside the scriptures, but we must provide a place for it to go. 

President Benson taught this about the Book of Mormon: 

“We learn that as we covenant with Christ and structure our lives with keeping his commandments his peace flows into all areas of our lives.” 

 Commandments are blessings that allow the spirit of God to flow into our lives. In psalms 119 it says, “Let thy tender mercies come unto me, that I may live: for thy law is my delight.” (psalm 119:77)  This law is found in the scriptures and they are meant to be a delight.  Building solid scripture study habits provides a place for the living water of Christ to enter our lives and the lives of our family. But it’s hard work. Here’s how our family scripture reading sometimes goes. 

Hey kids, time for scriptures.., please, yes, you need to come now, no, we can’t skip it tonight. Take a break from your homework that you just conveniently started as I called scripture study…stop yelling please, refrain from cussing while your holding your scriptures….hurry, just read, read a verse…maybe two….do you have your scriptures? Here, share with me, read a verse? Alma is not found on Instagram….can you please open your scriptures? shhhh, read a verse…that’s stripling warriors, not stripping…there’s an important difference….just read…

and then the chapter is over, kids are off to bed and the water disappears down the gopher hole. 

But sometimes…sometimes, things align and and sometimes we make a little more time, and sometimes questions are asked and prayers are answered and sometimes….something soaks in. But you can’t just leave it up to chance, there is a pattern to follow in irrigation and receiving personal revelation. First Act in faith. It truly takes a lot of faith to continue the practice of family scripture study, but as we do, our children will come to expect it and learn from experience that the guidance found in the scriptures can be a deep source of inspiration. As we actively apply the scripture truths in our lives, they will learn that of the many good books and sources of information out there, this is the best book. They will come to learn that in these stories, verse by verse, patterns of eternal truth are taught. As we act in faith and develop a habit for our own personal study as well, the living water of the gospel has the ability to reach the far corners of our lives.

President Benson made this promise: 

It is not just that the Book of Mormon teaches us truth, though it indeed does that. It is not just that the Book of Mormon bears testimony of Christ, though it indeed does that, too. But there is something more. There is a power in the book which will begin to flow into your lives the moment you begin a serious study of the book. You will find greater power to resist temptation. You will find the power to avoid deception. You will find the power to stay on the strait and narrow path. The scriptures are called “the words of life” (D&C 84:85), and nowhere is that more true than it is of the Book of Mormon. When you begin to hunger and thirst after those words, you will find life in greater and greater abundance.” end quote

After I had prepared a place for my water to go, I discovered another problem. Yes, the water would go where I wanted it to, in fact, it went there very quickly, and taking me by surprise, even ran wasted into the street or my basement.  Sure my entire field was wet, but it all happened so quickly there wasn’t time for the water to soak deep and a lot was wasted. Over time, I learned to alternate the parts of the field I was watering, to let the water run over it once, give it a rest and then cover it again. I even alternated with a neighbor, allowing every last drop time to soak in. 

I remember vividly the first time I really took the time to let the word of God soak into my life. As part of the seminary council in high school I had been asked to travel around our stake and speak in the different wards about seminary. I had given talks before, but it had always been about just getting it done. I felt that this should be different. I wanted to share the truth I knew in my heart, but I didn’t know how to explain it. I followed the example of my parents and went to my scriptures.  I prayed and studied. I was lead to Alma 32 and the topic of faith. I was familiar with this passage, but as I read it this time, seeking for personal witness, I was indeed taught deeper meaning and application on how faith worked in my life. Still today, I will return to this chapter and find guidance and peace in it’s comfortable cadence. 

It was no coincidence that this first big drink of mine was accompanied by prayer and questions. In seminary we are taught not to just ask questions, but to frame them in an eternal perspective. Questions like, Why was this included in the scriptures?  Why is it repeated so often? Who am I in this story? What is the eternal truth being taught, and how can I apply this to my life? If we are really bold, we can follow Pres Uchdorf’s advice  and ask, Lord is it I? And I quote:

May I suggest that the holy scriptures are an effective mirror we can hold up for self-examination.

As you hear or read the words of the ancient and modern prophets, refrain from thinking about how the words apply to someone else and ask the simple question: “Lord, is it I?”

We must approach our Eternal Father with broken hearts and teachable minds. We must be willing to learn and to change. And, oh, how much we gain by committing to live the life our Heavenly Father intends for us.

Those who do not wish to learn and change probably will not and most likely will begin to wonder whether the Church has anything to offer them.

But those who want to improve and progress, those who learn of the Savior and desire to be like Him, those who humble themselves… and seek to bring their thoughts and actions into harmony with our Father in Heaven—they will experience the miracle of the Savior’s Atonement.” 

 When we approach our scriptures this way, when we “ask and expect to be given” when we  “seek knowing we will find” when we knock believing that he is waiting to fling open the door;  Not only will our questions be answered, but we will get answers to questions we don’t know how to ask, “for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered,” (Romans 8:26). This takes us from a study session to worship and communion with our Father in Heaven. Take the time to let it soak in.

 As we learn to hearken to the personal revelation that is offered, more will follow. After a little practice at this new form of irrigation, I got better at it and was able to use all I was given. As this happened, I found that the ditch rider would sometimes call me when he had a little water to spare and ask if I could take more….ummmm YES! If my field was already saturated, I had a huge underground cistern at the bottom of my field. I learned to channel extra water into this cistern for use around the yard, and in my garden.  This pattern and blessing of caring for what we are given is set forth in 2 Ne 28:30

“I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have.”  

Care for the spiritual revelation you receive and you will be given more. Record it, ponder it, treat it like the sacred gift that it is. Let it lead you deeper into the scriptures. There is always more God wants to tell you….when you are ready. I had a stake president say once, that we should be writing our own scriptures as we receive guidance and inspiration for our lives and our families.  Another way to care for and store up what we receive is to memorize the passages that speak truth to you and then these simple verses will continue to change you. Memorizing will allow you to keep them with you like a good friend. Faster than you can tap a foot note in your digital scriptures, these memorized phrases will pop into your head when you need them the most, lighting your path and comforting your heart and when led by the Spirit, inspiring others.   In Peter 3 it says, “be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you, a reason of the hope that is in you” (Peter 3:15)

I want to close today with the reason of hope which is in me and my specific testimony of the Book of Mormon. I have had the opportunity to get more up close and personal with this book this year than I ever have. It is truth. It is peace. It is hope. And I hear my Heavenly Father’s voice in it’s pages.  

home indeed

The ocean or the mountains;

 I always thought it would be one or the other.

But this…

this sea of trees where the humidity only hides imaginary peaks just out of reach. 

Home is where your rump rests….where your heart is…where your family is…where the soups on…where you park it…where I'm with you…

…home indeed.

No "thing" can make you happy.

Not the right school, not the weather, not a job, not a package in the mail, not the ocean, not the mountains, not even a house. 

I know, because I've been looking for that happy…

…that elusive peak just out of reach.

Time to let go

We went to the ocean this summer. It had been calling me for so long. For a girl who was raised amongst mountain tops I wonder at the deep pull that immense salty place has on my soul. In the mountains I feel at home….they keep me oriented…I know where I am and where I need to go. I love the feeling of looking up at their depth and height and the awe of looking for miles from their towering peaks.

When we lived in the south and there wasn't a hill in sight I often felt desultory….like a stranger roaming and lost. The only comfort was at the ocean, feeling the salt on my skin and the wind on my face. It wasn't the same as my mountains that beg me to climb, to conquer, to be in them…feel the rugged path under my feet and grit under my nails.  I can't swim…not really, and the uncontrolled impulsive power of the waves scares me. Yet there I stand, as long as I can, watching the waves roll and crash; only my feet brave enough to withstand the teasing waves. It soothes my soul, clarifies my thoughts and orients my perspective. Even now as I sit here in my mountain home I feel the pull of the rolling tides.

"The Lord still moves mountains, and still calms the raging seas." I heard in church today.

It made me wonder (but not really wonder) why I find comfort in the things that only God can control.

2013

Enough.

Enough food.

Enough time.

Enough money.

Enough love.

I have enough.

I am enough.

You are enough.

He is enough.

Enough.

There are so many loud voices in the world and so many pressures and so much negative feedback. Our children are constantly being told that they are not enough. They are not good enough, or smart enough, or thin enough or rich enough. When they walk through the doors of our homes, and they must feel that they are enough. They must feel peace. Our homes must not be places of additional stress and pressure. They must be havens where each of our children can be valued and loved for just being themselves. As mothers, our role is to love and lead our children. In the words of Sheri Dew, “If we don’t show them there is joy in living this way, where else can they possibly expect to see it!”

~Elaine S. Dalton, A Return to Virtue

superlative

satan likes to whisper 
"wicked, unworthy, waste"
i listen
running in the dark
black shadows press
consume.

do i have a choice?

distant light
not yet pink
i think maybe
he lies.

breathe deep
run faster
not panic...
need

need to suck deeper
wake sleeping places.
legs and heart that want more
elevate me to runner's high,
superlative.

light encircles 
dark shadows.

beauty outlines 
the dim unknown.

illumination clarifies 
what once was feared.

fierce crave awakes...
faster,
i need to go faster. 
use it all til i'm empty
ready to be taken
filled with what matters.

autumn's claim burns gold
leaves and grass blaze around me
celebrating light
bright and warmth
full on my face

i seek it
suck it in
savor it
praise it

How Gentle God's Commands

It rained again this week and all is right in the world. The clouds moved in low and slow all Wednesday, easing the panic pace of life. For the first time in weeks is seems, we had time to just sit together and listen to the rain.

It came down in small steady drops,

not

one

was

 wasted.

 It rained all night and a day leaving the ground wet trice as long. The entirety of Friday was used for the storm to clear. Watching the sky as "that hand which bears all nature up" lifts, parts and swirls the clouds, left me in awe....

nothing doubting.

How gentle God's commands!

How kind his precepts are!

Come, cast your burdens on the Lord

And trust his constant care.

Beneath his watchful eye,

His Saints securely dwell;

That hand which bears all nature up

Shall guard his children well.

Why should this anxious load

Press down your weary mind?

Haste to your Heavenly Father's throne

And sweet refreshment find.

His goodness stands approved,

Unchanged from day to day;

I'll drop my burden at his feet

And bear a song away.

pause

It rained last night. Three-thirty in the morning I lay in my bed just listening. It's been a long time since it's rained, and I can't remember the last time I heard it splashing, gathering in the rain barrel. A busy spring planting and planning is pointless without rain's promise. I could tell it wasn't a lot, but it was enough for now. I didn't sleep again until it stopped.

Picture not my own (thanks Megan!) but fit well with my thoughts.

I want more

"Why a true Christmas may be painful" ..That was the title of a blog post I saw in cyberspace this week. Unfortunately, 'tis the season for not having enough time to read (let alone write) blog posts. But that phrase has stuck in my mind. I suppose Christmas could be painful for a lot of reasons here among the have and have nots.

I love Christmas...all of it...even the hassle of gifts and the tipsy balance between commercial craze and simple joy of giving. But I have to admit that Christmas makes me a little greedy, and every year I want more. I want more of the music that sets the mood, I want more of the traditions and time spent with family, I want more of the babe in Bethlehem, and I want more to understand what He wants of me.

But painful?

This is the season of giving and anyone who has given knows that giving is the best gift received. But it can hurt. If giving means that you lose something or someone that you love with your whole heart. If giving means that you see how much you have but how little you have to give. If giving means that you just hurt because no matter what fantastic Christmas scheme you come up it doesn't even come close to what is really needed. If giving means to mourn with those that mourn, not just to offer sympathy, but truly mourn with them. It can hurt.

Painful....and usually humbling.

I think of Simon's words, "Master, we have toiled all the night, and have taken nothing: nevertheless at thy word I will let down the net." and I know there is more that can be done. Miracles happen every day, and with a little faith and guidance I let down the net, and stand in complete awe as it begins to break under the load.

just flip the switch

The music bounced around the car blending and becoming one with the voices of the 3 tween girls in the back seat. I smiled and chuckled to myself...but it was a nervous chuckle. Wouldn't it be so much easier if they were still singing along to primary songs or the love between peanut butter and jelly instead of these love sick lyrics. I wanted to just turn it off...perhaps some would have...but I didn't, some lines I don't cross.

I remember my own mom letting us listen; suggesting other alternatives or simply just talking, but usually letting us listen....and letting us make fools of ourselves as we sang along. Once she even pulled some lyrics out of a song for a hopeful teaching moment. "Ooh Baby do you know what that's worth ~ Ooh heaven is a place on earth" sparked a  lesson about how our homes can and should be heaven on earth. Genius. I'm pretty sure I rolled my eyes at that one.

But this wasn't memories of my goofy behavior at that age, this was MY daughter in the back seat; singing along to lyrics I'm sure she knew nothing about. So instead of silly memories it was if every wrong choice I've ever made steamed back to the music I listened to at such an impressionable age, and I fought the urge to shut it off...just flip the switch...like it could be that easy; just turn off this music and she would never make the mistakes I made, in fact, she could grow up perfect in a controlled little bubble.

There are always lines that should never be crossed and those that should. There are lines that I enforce with consequences and love, and fear that they might choose to cross anyway. There are lines that I sometimes cross in hopes of keeping them always safe, and lines I'm afraid to cross for fear of failure. I say there is nothing I wouldn't give to ensure the safety of their souls as I cling to the extra change in my pocket. Such a little amount...why would it be needed? Daily I give millions freely, but this little bit I keep hidden...

just in case...

..just in case it's not enough.

Lately I find myself slipping out a nickle, or even a dime. Inching over that line, still scared, but not as much.

forgiveness...

"Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness," ...forgiveness....most definitely forgiveness....



This month is the 15th anniversary for the "The Family, A Proclamation to the World". In fact, there is a month long celebration at Cocoa's...in fact, you're invited....in fact, that's where I am today.

Feeding the Hungry

We sang the song I'm sure I had sung several times before, and had never heard.

In fasting we approach thee here

And pray thy Spirit from above

Will cleanse our hearts, cast out our fear,

And fill our hunger with thy love.

It had been a tough week for everyone. Unexpected loss of those so young disrupts, even breaks life as we know it; leaves us scrambling to fix, offering food and calls and silent hugs.

Thru this small sacrifice, may we

Recall that strength and life each day

Are sacred blessings sent from thee-

Fill us with gratitude, we pray.

During that mending melody they came in, one less than the week before but stronger. Strength that came not from their own splintered spirits, but from the angels surrounding them; I felt them as they squeezed by and settled into crowed pews.

And may our fast fill us with care

for all thy children now in need.

may we from our abundance share

They sheep to bless, thy lambs to feed.

At that point we were all children of need and and yet there was so much abundance shared.

This fast, dear Father, sanctify-

Our faith and trust in thee increase.

As we commune and testify,

May we be filled with joy and peace.

I saw her again that night, the mother who had lost, and and for the first time in thee days she looked fuller; maybe just the edge knocked off her hunger, simple willingness to trust in her eyes. 

Text: Paul L. Anderson, b. 1946. © 1981 Paul L. Anderson and Lynn R. Carson.

It’s all about the soil

I watched the plow turn up the dark rich earth that had been undisturbed during months of cold. I didn't really like being dragged out of my lazy routine to help in the fields, but once I was there...I couldn't imagine a better place to be. Being a part of working the land, my young mind didn't understand it then, but I was unable to deny how it worked something up inside myself. Even the smell of the freshly turned dirt was amazing, and I told Dad as much. He just chuckled, and then in seriousness corrected my error. "It's not dirt, it's soil. A living breathing organism that we depend on to produce our livelihood.”

Years later, and with my own patch of soil to work, I know the importance of those words. A seed sown in soil that is weak, worn out from hot sun and dry wind will never reach it’s potential. The soil must be worked, gently turned over, cleared of nutrient sucking weeds, and most importantly supplemented with life…life that comes from heat and decay.

Jesus may have been a carpenter’s son, but showed his experience as the Creator in the parable of the sower. Not only is it an applicable story, Jesus exemplified the sower by sharing only the parable with those who were not prepared, and to those were, he offered “the mystery of the kingdom of God”.

Soil needs to be constantly worked…and work it is…to accommodate the deep roots required to survive the long hot summer. Start first by recognizing your soil as a living breathing organism…the dependence of your livelihood.  Clear out the weeds…you know what they are. Add life; apply heat to the waste by trusting in Him and the light of His word. Gently turn things over, ponder in your heart to reach the deeper soil….

…and then plant the seed.

 

Sweet Invite

Choose ye this day, to serve the Lord God who made you. Behold my Spirit is upon you, wherefore all thy words will I justify; and the mountains shall flee before you, and the rivers shall turn from their course; and thou shalt abide in me, and I in you; therefore walk with me.~Moses 6:33,34

Hope

Click here to donate...or here....or even here.
Yes, money is tight; already spoken for, but really we have so much,

compared to nothing.

Our hearts are filled with sadness as we have watched the suffering in Haiti in the wake of the devastating earthquake. We turn to the example of Jesus Christ, who reached out to “lift up the hands which hang down” and “strengthen the feeble knees.”

But it still feels empty...not enough to reach.
What more can you do when hands are tied to juggling all that they should?
Yes, click....donate, and donate again.

And hope...

Money is not the only need in Haiti. People are frightened, bewildered, and wholly uncertain about their future. In addition to what people can do in helping with food, water, and shelter, there needs to be a calming influence over that troubled nation. We invite our people everywhere to supplicate God for a spirit of calm and peace among the people as urgent aid and reconstruction efforts continue.

Wasn't His message a message of hope? Our hands are never strong enough, our arms never long enough to lift and to reach all...there are so many.

But hope...

I can do that.

Abundance

Abundance is being completely filled, having all....even more than is needed.

Four dozen pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. Drawers that won't shut when all the laundry is done at once. Unlimited access to a building full of books. Long summer days. Gardens that won't stop producing. Shelves lined with more than I grew. Gifts of honey, wheat, beef and listening ears. A crowded house. High speed Internet.

This is abundance.

But there's more. Abundance itself is quite abundant, you know. Awareness and gratitude for what we have can produce a wealth of abundance from supposed deprivation.

My first tomato from seed. An unexpected hug. Everyone liking dinner at once. An inappropriate burst of laughter. No homework on the weekends. Enjoying a kiss. Winter sun shining through my windows. Phone call when you don't have time. Hugging Kevlar twice daily.

I believe abundance is always there just waiting, but sometimes is it seems elusive. Suppressed by loss of self control, doubt, and selfish desires; concealed behind rebellion. Refusing to look, to ask or listen.

To rediscover your abundance it may be as simple as to, "Look outside - I know that you'll Recognize it's summertime"

When I'm willing to look outside of myself and see the penetrating summer heat of God's love...it is truly overflowing.

"One of the remarkable qualities about God's love for us is that not only do we
experience it as validating and affirming, but it also produces growth and
change in us. It literally moves us forward, toward Him and our own eventual
exaltation. It is a sculpting, correcting, and purposeful kind of love."
(friendly facebook quote)

Without this kind of lasting abundance, this unconditional abundance, this filling in my missing gaps abundance that I receive daily from my Savior, I would be continually lacking.

Long awaited change. Being picked up when you fall. A broken heart made stronger not harder. Whispered truth when surrounded by lies. Feeling peace in the pain. Being held when it hurts. Runner's high lasting way past the second mile. Finding joy in the simple. Understanding hidden treasures.

More than I need.

Exactly all I need.

What does abundance mean to you? http://chocolateonmycranium.blogspot.com/2009/11/wordfull-wednesday-abundance.html.

Ongoing gratidude list #7-32

Sister Sweat

I feel like I've been talking a lot about running lately. Maybe it's the time of year; the time of year when running is in the air....I can smell it. Running is a blessing, even a talent, but mostly a gift. A gift I depend on. So it's not with ease that I give up my morning run....my communion....for a jog.

I wait in the dark, van still running, tying my running shoes and singing to forget I'm scared. Soon anther car pulls into the parking lot, chasing away fear and by the time I'm out and locking my door, we're all here. This isn't the only time I see these ladies, my sisters; we sing together at church and they teach my kids. Sometimes we gather in mixed company with loud spouses and too much food.

Not this morning.

Kids and husbands left in weekend slumber, we sneak out for exercise....so we say. All different, sisters always are, but we meet together with pony tails and breath mints once a week to sweat. I'm the one who questions, with the hole worn sweats, and who drives in from the sticks.

Blood warms as we talk of whatever..... and everything. Worries and funnies that are dressed up, pinned back, for church tumble out easily, flapping in the breeze as we work our way down the river. Strange, that as we move side by side down a dark path, it's so natural to run exposed. Celebrations of years of school finally done and marathons run. Lost babes and stolen innocence, growing kids and amazing balance...or not so much. Sisterhood offerings, embraced and strengthened.

Not all is spoken, we share a similar, familiar path, and this binds too. In college, my running sisters, twice daily training warriors, were so close our cycles lined up; hormones emanating through our sweat. Yet this weekly gathering, this sister communion, is tighter; based on more than just a desire for speed, we share a desire to emanate His love....training warriors.

The sky is a little lighter as we stretch and cool. Plans are made for next week and we part, visions clearer. This sister gathering, all it should be, is a favorite gift. How do you gather with your sisters?

Continuing Transformation

I remember sitting on my couch, mind racing; wanting to giggle but managing to suppress because of the seriousness of her tone. Did she really just ask me if I had been saved?

Unrealized, the transformation had begun. With each conversation...and there were many....we learned more about each other, our beliefs and our God. There had to have been some chuckling going on in heaven, putting a God fearing Baptist right next door to a confidently, complacent Mormon; both so alone, now dependent on each other, both believing they had the whole truth, or at least the faith to make up for the questions. Thinking back I can almost hear the rumbling laughter.

In the beginning of our friendship, all I could see was this wonderful missionary opportunity, so of course I found it a little funny that she was worried about my salvation. As life happens, and it always does, I learned things from her I didn't know that I didn't know. Like what it really means to daily walk with Him, not to just meet casually at the end of day. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I've ever taken lightly my relationship with Christ, but I had never seen it so all consuming as it is in her life, and it began to rub off on me. It made me dig deeper in my studies, linger longer in prayer, and ultimately to be still and know.

It wasn't all perfect, frustration and dark prideful moments snuck in...casting shadows of doubt on truth; but not for long, because light always overcomes darkness as His glory became our only goal....you see, friendships that begin before life in this body don't go down easily.

The lessons learned in this short season of my life are too many to cover right now. In the end....well, I know it's not the end, but as we parted.....me still completely Mormon and she faithfully Baptist, I was consumed with gratitude for the new awareness I had gained of familiar truth; looking forward as I look upward to this continuing transformation.

Wordfull Wednesday @ Chocolateonmycranium

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Whisper

Slight rustlings....

look here,

remember this,

have you thought about that....

Comfort's breath warm on my cheek.

I heard God whispers in your ear
before you slam into a brick wall.

"Be still and know" was His susurration.

....a wall not of His construction,

forewarned impact,

bruised and torn,

He picks me up.

Glory in Chaos

"How can we glory in tribulation?"

The question was asked and then, leaning forward and lowering her voice, just like she was about to impart some great secret, she looked around the room to make sure she had every one's attention. To be honest, I was all ears. She had just led a wonderful discussion on having faith through our trials; the importance of depending on Him, trusting Him, and never denouncing His truth no matter how hard it gets. We talked of His innocent blood spilt and the importance of not forsaking that, and how the nature of our trials are more spiritual than of tests of physical prosecution. All this accumulating to this final question. My heart burned, and I too leaned forward with a desire to share. She spoke, "The glory is in the success."

What?

My heart fell flat. I think I understand what she meant by this, but I couldn't have disagreed more with this as a final statement. I mean, what if I fail, as I so often do? Success is so vague, so dependent on perspective. Such a statement without defining success, was a like appreciating a greener lawn and missing the beauty of the storm.

No.

Glory in success is obvious, I mean, who wouldn't? But what about now? Isn't there more...even more required, than sitting huddled under a blanket, surviving the storm? Recently I read a post by Amber at therunamuck, and she asked similar questions.

What does it mean to seek Gods kingdom and His righteousness? Where is His
kingdom in our dirty houses and in our daily relationships? What does
simplicity look like?

She continues to blog about these questions, as I have continued to think deeper than my knee-jerk answers. Maybe the first question should be, what is His kingdom.....what is His glory? Is glory simply the joy of accomplishment, or is it part of the struggle? Does it get dirty and mangled, gashed and torn?

Sunday was Mother's Day...my day. Seriously, I've been a mom long enough to know what the day is all about, but to be honest I wasn't looking for any real special treatment, I just wanted to spend time with my kids, but the whole day seemed to be filled with fighting. It was so stressful I was ready to send them all out with their dad so I could....I don't know...

So where's the glory in that? Where's the kingdom in that....simplicity...yeah, get them out of my face and I'm sure in an hour or two I will love them again...maybe. Even still, I felt something more, it was in the back of my head and lingering at the edge of my heart, and once I noticed it, it came pushing through the aggravation of my ornery bunch on my happy day. I am so thankful....thankful to Him for these kids, and I prayed to see more clearly what they must be screaming for just as loud as I was screaming for them to stop screaming. By bedtime, sweet bedtime, we found peace.....peace amongst wet pants and hurt feelings, and around the crumbs on my couch we snuggled and read and even laughed. Touch and forgiveness; trust rebuilt...glory in chaos.

One of my favorite times to take pictures is just before a storm, when everything seems to be getting dark....the light is amazing. Not the bright beautiful light of a spring morning, but a light that brings out contrast and different hues.....shades that only exist in that moment. Such an interesting beauty. Whether the storm will be just a light passing mist, or a violent hail hurling wind, that moment of queer wonder is the key to seeing the glory in the storm.

The simplicity of gratitude, a showing of faith's power over fear. Gratitude doesn't just loiter in ease and beauty, it blows though doubt, washes though loneliness, and shines clarity on grief and pain. I know this isn't all encompassing, everyone has to find their own path, but for me, gratitude is key in seeing His glory in the everyday, feeling His glory when my heart is broken, and giving glory to Him through it all.

Humbly acknowledging His ways....striving to make them my own.