just flip the switch

The music bounced around the car blending and becoming one with the voices of the 3 tween girls in the back seat. I smiled and chuckled to myself...but it was a nervous chuckle. Wouldn't it be so much easier if they were still singing along to primary songs or the love between peanut butter and jelly instead of these love sick lyrics. I wanted to just turn it off...perhaps some would have...but I didn't, some lines I don't cross.

I remember my own mom letting us listen; suggesting other alternatives or simply just talking, but usually letting us listen....and letting us make fools of ourselves as we sang along. Once she even pulled some lyrics out of a song for a hopeful teaching moment. "Ooh Baby do you know what that's worth ~ Ooh heaven is a place on earth" sparked a  lesson about how our homes can and should be heaven on earth. Genius. I'm pretty sure I rolled my eyes at that one.

But this wasn't memories of my goofy behavior at that age, this was MY daughter in the back seat; singing along to lyrics I'm sure she knew nothing about. So instead of silly memories it was if every wrong choice I've ever made steamed back to the music I listened to at such an impressionable age, and I fought the urge to shut it off...just flip the switch...like it could be that easy; just turn off this music and she would never make the mistakes I made, in fact, she could grow up perfect in a controlled little bubble.

There are always lines that should never be crossed and those that should. There are lines that I enforce with consequences and love, and fear that they might choose to cross anyway. There are lines that I sometimes cross in hopes of keeping them always safe, and lines I'm afraid to cross for fear of failure. I say there is nothing I wouldn't give to ensure the safety of their souls as I cling to the extra change in my pocket. Such a little amount...why would it be needed? Daily I give millions freely, but this little bit I keep hidden...

just in case...

..just in case it's not enough.

Lately I find myself slipping out a nickle, or even a dime. Inching over that line, still scared, but not as much.