Smells good anyway

Today in church a girl shared her testimony of the power and strength she receives through studying the scriptures. My heart easily agreed. This is a truth I know well, but her next words pricked a little.

"If you don't have time to read your scriptures, you need to make time."

... my denial became my reality.

Last year at this time I had a busy, crazy life. So much to do and so many places to be, but there was time for what was most important. "I know who I am, and I know God's plan," was my motto and it all fit.

For the last couple months with a new job, a new role and even a new me; everything is still spinning and I just can't make it fit.

What does a Christ centered life look like when I am constantly surrounded by evil.  Maybe the word evil sounds harsh considering I'm just speaking about kids... kids only a few years older than my own, but there is strength in calling something by it's name. Not the kids, but all they bring with them, everything they shoulder with their backpacks and sagging pants.  Can I really still be all I should while I'm knee deep in the mud, slipping and sliding, white knuckling any piece of iron rod I can keep hold of?  Don't misunderstand, I'm not tempted to join in, use their language or attend their parties.  I still know who I am and without a doubt I know His plan, but where I used to have my scriptures out all day, feasting and snacking at will, there is a faint wiff  of spiritual aroma I catch as I clear them off the table to make room for dinner. When I can't seem to fit enough time in to sustain my own hunger, how can I keep up with the demands around me.

Never mind keep up, can I even make a difference?

So much of what I know how to offer has no reference point for them. How do I have the conversations that aren't really allowed but are really the only ones they need to have. It seems so silly to be working so hard to teach congruance and linear equations when they need eternal truth confidence in who they really are.

They are drowning and I throw them a drink of water.