Wednesday, December 3, 2008

"You got me...right?"

I was wronged, and it hurt. Without a doubt I was right, no one could contend otherwise. I feel justified in that, but my heart grows hard. I just do the right things, in the place I can control, and close off my soul to those that would do it harm. Deflect the attacks, and my heart grows hard.

It doesn't take long, but much has been wasted. Opportunities lie scattered at my feet, unable to penetrate my justification. What have I done? Oh, what I have missed.

But how can He expect me to continue with an open heart...bare to oncoming fire? And how do I even find my heart, hidden under such rationalized defenses?

Therefore, whosoever repenteth, and hardeneth not his heart, he shall have claim on mercy through mine Only Begotten Son, unto a remission of his sins; and these shall enter into my rest.

I had been claiming mercy for myself all along, with no validity. I breathe, and soften...humbling, opening, light seeping through. His light...His mercy.

And then the attack, (sure to happen, as the only change has been inside) knowing it will hurt, but knowing it is His way, I lay open. Fear looming, offering it's inflexible security...I pray, "You got me, right?"

Instant peace floods through my tense heart...filling in the gaps and giving strength. I offer mercy, not my isn't mine to give or withhold...but His mercy, I soften and open...and it flows through me. I am safe in His rest.

Not only does He make up what is lacking in myself...but He fills my needs when left lacking by others. A heart strong and soft...ever willing.

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