I want more

"Why a true Christmas may be painful" ..That was the title of a blog post I saw in cyberspace this week. Unfortunately, 'tis the season for not having enough time to read (let alone write) blog posts. But that phrase has stuck in my mind. I suppose Christmas could be painful for a lot of reasons here among the have and have nots.

I love Christmas...all of it...even the hassle of gifts and the tipsy balance between commercial craze and simple joy of giving. But I have to admit that Christmas makes me a little greedy, and every year I want more. I want more of the music that sets the mood, I want more of the traditions and time spent with family, I want more of the babe in Bethlehem, and I want more to understand what He wants of me.

But painful?

This is the season of giving and anyone who has given knows that giving is the best gift received. But it can hurt. If giving means that you lose something or someone that you love with your whole heart. If giving means that you see how much you have but how little you have to give. If giving means that you just hurt because no matter what fantastic Christmas scheme you come up it doesn't even come close to what is really needed. If giving means to mourn with those that mourn, not just to offer sympathy, but truly mourn with them. It can hurt.

Painful....and usually humbling.

I think of Simon's words, "Master, we have toiled all the night, and have taken nothing: nevertheless at thy word I will let down the net." and I know there is more that can be done. Miracles happen every day, and with a little faith and guidance I let down the net, and stand in complete awe as it begins to break under the load.

It was SO worth it

I needed that.

Scrunched in a pew with family and friends, the musical sound of praise bigger than the room and filling every part of me.

I needed that.

After getting dressed up again on a Sunday evening to sit in church for two hours, I thanked my kids for sticking with me and their reply was, "It was worth it."

I needed that.

Bingham falling asleep on my lap as choir after choir sang the new and the familiar.

I needed that.

Reminders of the power that comes from those who willing mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort.

I needed that.

Completely carried away by "O Holy Night".

I needed that.

It's All About the Baby...and maybe a little Chocolate

I love Christmas. I love the lights and tinsel. I love the color red.....and green....and even gold (but only at Christmas time). I love presents, given and received. I love how happy everyone is at church or even strangers on the street; wearing their inner beauty on their sleeves for all to see. I love living in a small town that isn't afraid to tell the Christmas story during library story time or to sing about Christ in the Kindergarten program. I love Poinsettias and minty hot chocolate. I love it all, but none of these things bring it home like music.

Not just any music. I've been disappointed more than once by carols sung by a half-hearted soul. There is something about expressing yourself through music that doesn't let you lie. Voice or instrumental; both reveal the soul.

I'm picky about my Christmas music, it's personal, so no generic version will do. My favorite Christmas song is "O Holy Night"; it's personal. I just listened to a new-to-my-ears version and my heart felt Christmas. It's from a CD titled "It's All About the Baby" and sells for only $10.99. But if your looking for a better deal than that, there is a free give away at Chocolateonmycranium, and really, what's Christmas without a little chocolate?

New Year's Indulgence

There is a reason Thanksgiving comes first in a season of celebration. The opportunity to look around with wide eyes and be amazed at all our blessings; even discovering love where before had only been pain. With eyes lifted, acknowledging the fount of every blessing, we are prepared to fully celebrate the the Father's gift of his son; the birth of our Savior. Like the magi, we spend the season coming to Christ. Instead of offering gold and fragrance, we give up our sins to know Him more completely, setting the stage for a New Year striving to become more like Him.

For myself the struggle to be like Him begins with loving like Him. During Thanksgiving I wrote this in my journal:

"I am thankful for all things. For every moment and every breath. Now I will show my gratitude by being present in every moment. Look into their eyes, hear what they need, share their joy and pain, and be so happy to be the one they chose as their mother."

This may be a little selfish, as little effort pays big dividends, but I'll be the first to admit my tendency to get caught up in the goal of getting things done; with the best of intentions and missing too much of the important.

To flip the coin, I want to strengthen my resolve to reach those in my life who seem unreachable. To not be hurt when I am blocked out again. To celebrate every crack of light....every word, touch and glance that is real.

To give structure and even hope to my goals, I want to be more consistent in searching His word. Not just a set time or place, but to completely indulge in whatever time or place I am in.

Let it Out

I love the music of Christmas time. The spirit of it is so hard to deny...and too strong hold back. As I sat in church today, I listened to those (including myself) who normally mumble into their hymnal, harmonizing (not so much myself) in voices that seemed to have been saved especially for this season.

The choir sang "O Holy Night" and I felt left out, sitting in the congregation juggling kids. It's my favorite Christmas carol, especially when sung by someone who truly believes in it's message. It requires so much of the soul to really do the music justice. My heart sings it much better than my voice could ever allow... which was why I was juggling kids while my husband sang. I remember the first time I really heard that song. I wasn't even paying attention and then all of a sudden the feeling in the room was so strong I looked up....and heard. The man singing was talented, but not exceptionally, yet there was no doubt that day of what was in his heart.

Even the carols that don't mention Christ still do wonders in lifting the soul. Anyone who has experienced a long dark winter can appreciate the elevation you get by singing "Winter Wonderland" or "Let it Snow"...It's about getting up and making hot cocoa and snow angles, instead of sitting wrapped and shivering....finding gratitude in the moment, and doesn't that always glorify?

My mom used to get after us for slurring through "heavenly peace" as we sang of that wondrous, silent night. Hoping always to hear that heavenly choir she knew to be in our hearts. As I have grown, and find myself still still looking for the right notes, I have come to peace with just letting it out. All the joy and gratitude that has been building up in my heart all year long....I just let it out, and sing. Who knows, maybe next year I'll let my husband juggle while I sing.

Let your voice be heard, open your heart and sing.

Better late than never...So Thankful

What a perfect way to start the day...thoughts of thanks squeezed in between 'hurry up' and oatmeal.



After being nudged from every side, I finally started recording our 'Thankful List".

Hubby: Wife, kids, motorcycle, and job.

Mine: Family, garden, home, music, and running.

Oldest: Family, shelter, friends, neighbors, rights, pencils, fire place, toys, birthday, mind, ideas, books, body, plants, animals, dad's motorcycle, and pens.

Hup: Motorcycle, Sunshine, dinner, Kung Fu Panda, and food.

Sunshine: Jesus, His example, Missionaries, Mom, Dad, Oldest, Hup, Dad, Little Man, my Mommy (with a hart drawn after cuz she loves me).

Laser Boy: Mom, Dad, Hup, Sunshine, Oldest, blanket, bottle, food, puppies.

Just a beginning....to get our harts in the right place for the Christmas Season.